Patrick Dalton loves London, especially the shit parts. Seven years ago he started the website Shit London as a response to Secret London which featured photographs of sunsets at Tower Bridge and pictures of Beefeaters. As he pointed out, he lived in London and Beefeaters didn’t feature hugely in his life.
Most of the photos are sent in by readers and he selects the best for publication. His captions are the best bit so they are reproduced in full below. Here is a small selection from his site including the 2012 Award Winners.
And if the locals of Rome, Vienna and Venice think this could never happen there – think again – Patrick sees no reason why his website could not go global – there are shit places all over the world.
Winner – Andrew Smith
Pigeons have no respect for anything. When they’re not eating our discarded chips, hanging out under railway bridges or shitting on statues of the great and good, they’re showing their haughty disregard to the Boris Bike scheme in the only way they know how.
Look into those beady little eyes and what do you see?
An almost total indifference to the problems of inner city congestion and carbon emissions, that’s what.
Third Place – Toilet Warning – Neil Carpenter, London
Winner – Richard Lambert, London
Most people spend their entire day staring at a computer screen either working, checking their Facebook and Twitter or looking at pornography. Sometimes it’s nice to tear your eyes away from the screen just for a few seconds to let your eye take in a view that is made from something other than pixels and remind your self that there is more to the world. Spare a thought though for those of us who have to make do with views like this.
What can a view like this do to someones psyche? All this view says is “There is nothing for you out here, no joy, no light, nothing but grey bricks and stained concrete. Give up your foolish dreams and accept your miserable fate”
The sad thing to consider is that the day the scaffolding was put up was probably the most exciting in this views bleak history.
Winner – Katja Forbes, Sydney
You know, it’s nice that you want to hand on your mattress to someone else, really it is. But the very mention of “no visible stains” has got me wondering what invisble stains there are on there. Plus if you were to take that home and sleep on it ( which I’m not….for one it makes me feel weird that I’d have taken it off the streets and for two it’s all the way down in Sydney which is way too far to go even if it is for a free, possibly soiled mattress ) you’d always know that you’d be lying on the phrase “Free mattress, no visible stains”. It would probably end up weedling it’s way into your dreams.
In a remarkable last act this sick pigeon somehow managed to manoeuvre himself onto this piece of roadside in what can only be interpreted as a cry for help. Sadly though it looks as if this Lassie, Flipper or Gentle Ben equivalent of the pigeon world’s efforts were in vain as it looks to have been ignored…and possibly reversed over.
Rest in peace sweet disease ridden, feathery prince
Spotted by Charlie Gee
For residents of Newington Green with children this probably proves difficult. You could be sitting comfortably in your front room watching Miranda or something when the clock strikes nine and you’re are suddenly flouting the arbitrary rules set by a pub down the road. What do you do with your kids? Hide them in a priest hole? Set them up in a hidden apartment like the Franks? How do they enforce this anyway? Does this pub send out a patrol at nine pm armed with pitchforks and flaming torches looking for any stray kids that might still be out after the watershed? What do they do with any kids that they catch?
Who knows? Stay vigilant.
Spotted by Tom Uprichard
Hmmm, what to drink? The “London Style” gin or the “vodka flavoured spirit”? Wait a sec, forget it, Parazone is on offer. I’ll get a couple of those and mix it with some Lucozade instead.
Of course you should never drink bleach, it’ll almost certainly kill you.
Ahhh look that puppy eating a cone full of lovely sweetcorn. Wait, who eats a cone full of sweetcorn? Not a puppy I’m sure. Look at his wild eyes. Is he choking? It looks like he’s having a massive nosebleed. What does it all mean?What?!
Spotted by Rob
That’s what I call a burger!”? Really? Because I’m sure everyone else would call them noodles. You might be in the wrong business there.
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