How would you describe yourself in a personal ad?

How would you describe yourself in a personal ad? So few words to sum up your whole life. You’d think that most people would go all out to sell themselves. Are these people too modest and undemanding to even sell themselves in a personal ad? Check out their ads from a local paper below.

‘Bob, 58, drives, seeks special female of similar age for relationship’

‘ Jim, 50 likes nights in/out, dvds, looking for similar female’

46YR old lady, honest, looking for relationship.’

‘I am a divorced individual.’

This one reveals a bit more information but is hardly a hard sell:

‘Lonely, denture-wearer,62, seeks small, slim F, 50-60, who also wears dentures.’

And for a Scottish take on the personal ads check out these on the left.  Who said romance is dead in Scotland?

At the other end of the scale are the amazing men for all you ladies out there. Who could resist Muscular Gifted man/Jean Claude van Damme look alike below?

Then there are completely bonkers ones such as the time traveller classified ad that inspired the new movie, Safety Not Guaranteed.  Then there’s Jo on rails.

We end on an intellectual note though with the ads in The London Review of Books where showing off your wit in a self-deprecating way is the form. David Rose edited a selection of the best for his book, Sexually I’m More of a Switzerland.

‘I celebrated my fortieth birthday last week by cataloguing my collection of bird feeders. Next year I’m hoping for sexual intercourse. And a cake.’

‘If intense, post-fight sex scares you, I’m not the woman for you (amateur big-boned cage wrestler, 62).’

‘My last seven adverts in this column were influenced by the early catalogue of Krautrock band, Paternoster. This one, however, is based entirely around the work of Gil Scott-Heron. Man, 32. Possibly the last person you want to be stood next to at a house-party you’ve been dragged along to by a friend who wants to get off with the flatmate of the guy whose birthday it is. Hey! Have you ever heard Boards of Canada? They’re amazing; I’ll burn you a CD.’

‘Meet the new face of indoor bowling! More or less the same as the old face, but less facial hair and better teeth. M, 28.’

‘The celebrity I resemble the most is Potsie from Happy Days. What feels so right can’t be wrong. Man, 46.’

‘They call me Mr Boombastic. You can call me Monty. My real name, however, is Quentin. But only Mother uses that. And Nanny. Monty is fine, though. Anything but Peg Leg (Shrewsbury Prep, 1956, ‘Please don’t make me do cross-country, sir’).’

‘If I could be anywhere in time right now it would be 17 December 1972. I have my reasons. Man, 57.’

‘OMG! This magazine is the shizz. Seriously, dudes. Awesome! LOL! Classics lecturer (M, 48). Possibly out of his depth with today’s youth. KTHX!’

‘Woman, 24. Inherited her mother’s unreasonable and utterly unfounded nostalgia (and her father’s hirsute back). WLTM barber with fondness for Sherbet Dib-Dabs and Parma Violets.’

Personal ads are like everything else in life – know your audience. What would yours say?